When? Now!

What's it mean when I won't give myself permission to do the things I love to do? Reading, for instance. I collect books. I have hundreds of books --- and some of them, I've even read! But more often I play this mental game where I seem to "save up my reading time for a rainy day" -- well, guess what? It's raining! So why aren't I reading all day?

It always seems to come down to whether or not I think (on some wacky level of my psyche) I deserve to indulge in such a luxurious activity as reading (or X or Y; fill-in-the-blank with YOUR favorite activity here).

When I'm home alone, I tend to keep the TV on as company/background noise. But when the TV is on, I'm not likely to read. Maybe music would be better -- we have a huge collection of CD's -- folk, Broadway, classical, New Age, Beatles, on and on. I could certainly read while music is playing in the background (as long as I'm not singing along with a soundtrack from Wicked or Les Miz).

But it's not just reading. It's also other things I love to do -- like knitting and rughooking. And both of those activities can be done easily while watching the latest episode of The Closer, So You Think You Can Dance, or one of my favorite HGTV shows. But that second little green sleeve on Dean's sweater certainly hasn't grown on its own much in the last week or so. And I haven't pulled a loop on a rug in the month we've been here. Yikes.

So, have I forgotten how to multi-task? No, that's certainly not it; look at how much I do ON THE COMPUTER while the TV is blabbing. Hey...wait a second. That's it. It's the computer. It pulls me into its grips --- and I google my way around the world -- checking out the birds on the Cornell Ornithology Lab's nestcams, see what's on sale on Craig's List, listen to choral recordings on You Tube, read e-mail, check out new yarns, read all of my favorite blogs, and play lots and lots of Literati (online Scrabble), and on and on. Before I know it, poof! I've blown, um, spent a few hours.

Perhaps the answer is a moratorium. On all things electronic. No TV. No computer. No way. I need to figure this out. I bet others have this same challenge. Got any ideas for me? Any good books to recommend?