Pacing the New Year

Some years ago, when cleaning out my bedside table, I came upon an old pocket calendar. It was one I'd kept and it was old. Before PDA's. Before any kind of computer-based calendar.

I flipped through it, month after month, and was stunned by its contents. Although diminutive in size, this little calendar was jam-packed. Some of the tiniest writing I'd ever seen. And it was all mine. Sometimes as many as four, five or six activities were crammed into one little square. Yup. All in one day. As many as six different activities. Insanity. How did I do all that? More importantly---why?

I remember showing it to a counselor I was seeing at the time. He suggested that I was hiding from myself. Perhaps I was afraid to spend time alone. And if I kept myself so incredibly busy, I simply didn't HAVE the time to be alone, to reflect, and to truly experience the activities in which I did participate.

Times have changed. Perhaps wisdom comes with age? (I can hope!)

As I approach my 56th birthday, I treasure my time and choose activities and obligations more wisely than when I was in my 30s. Now, just sitting and talking with someone I love is so precious to me. I can be still and listen. I can look, really look at the other person. And I'm much more comfortable with quiet than I used to be. I don't have to have answers for everything and everyone. What a relief. I've heard it said that God gave us two ears and only one mouth for a reason--God wants us to listen twice as much as we speak.

During this past week, I took time for no more than one or two activities per day. I spent an entire day with my sister -- just sitting. Knitting. Talking. Sharing. Listening. And the next day, I spent four hours with another sister. It was blissful. I didn't have to be anywhere -- didn't have to rush off. We played Wheel of Fortune and thoroughly enjoyed our time together.

That same evening, I spent several hours with my mother-in-law looking through her dad's WWI scrapbook. Fascinating. It was such a treat to slow down and immerse myself in another place and time. And the next day --- lunch with both sisters -- while snowflakes fell silently. It was a bit of heaven on earth.

A New Year invites us to make resolutions. Many of us choose resolutions like losing weight. Getting more exercise. Organizing our desk drawers.

This year I'm going to slow down and savor the moment, the precious moments that give me pause. As long as I give myself plenty of time.